The P-files: Sign-Up & OOC

Oh, is it my go?

Yes.

I figure someone should let the two of you who can't use skype know about shit. Josh is demanding Xel and I apologize for pointing out his mistakes and issuing our concerns with the fairness of certain choices of his. He claims he won't be posting until we do. I can't speak for Xel but, I'm not one to apologize when I haven't done anything wrong. Especially not to people who call me stupid and claim their time is more important than mine in the process.

So yeah, if you two want the game to progress, you might want to try persuading Josh to retract his demands.

Edit: Actually, don't take my word for it. Here's what he said.

Josh wrote:
[11:11:16 PM] Josh Gremillion:

Xel wrote:[12:58 PM] Xel Unknown:
It's funny and sad that Josh wants to allow us to keep the game moving... When his mistakes... Slow us down more then non-posts...

Xel, this comment... pisses me off far more than you know, especially coming from a player who has single-handedly held up this game for 2 weeks at a time. But you want to know what's really funny and sad? That I put so much time and effort into a freakin' game where two of my stupid players don't seem to appreciate what I do. I say this because instead of having an ounce of patience and respect for me, you bitch and complain about every little mistake I make. Really? Do you realize how much time and effort I put into this game? And you're going to bitch over me forgetting to note somethign as little as how much damage each of those nightmares dealt? I will admit that it's a detail you needed to know, but I forgot to mention it because I was in a hurry to post last night since I needed to get to bed. I had to be up early in the morning for a doctor's appointment. But do you consider that I might have been preoccupied? No. Do you consider that I have a life outside of this game? No. Instead you act as if you're exasperated with ME - or at least, that's what Ramsus' god-forsaken sigh insinuated (even though I HAVE been trying to be more clear with you guys). That's then followed up by your bullshit comment about me Xel. You don't seem to realize that this campaign does NOT take up every waking hour of my life and I am NOT perfect. I will make mistakes because I have other things on my mind - and even when I do make a mistake, I shouldn't have to feel like I'm being scolded for it like some incompetent child. You and Ramsus are both a couple of ingrate brats with no connection to reality - and right now? I don't give a shit about what you think of the boss battle. I'm not doing anything else in this game until I get an honest apology from the both of you - and if you don't want to apologize? Then fine. Accuse me of holding the game hostage or whatever other bullshit you can think up - but if you're going to treat me like that, then there is no game. It's just me wasting my time and effort on a couple of inconsiderate jerks (not counting DB and Subz among them of course).
[11:11:53 PM] Josh Gremillion: Good night

I do truly apologize about my actions here. As you can see. My comment was nothing more then a mean-spirited joke at best. And my actions were totally uncalled for.

Huh. You miss skype for a day and all hell breaks loose. Josh, you sure you mistook Ramsus for me? I've been pretty harsh myself lately, so if that started any of this, I really apologize.

I'm pretty sure he didn't. Anyway, it's your turn you might as well take it in the hopes that Josh will have calmed down by the time it'd be his turn to post again.

For the record guys, I was going to notify everyone without Skype about this situation if it ended up taking longer to resolve than a day or so.

Subz, we already talked and I think we're cool.

Also Cardbo, I didn't mention you specifically at the end of my chat post - but rest assured, you and I don't have any problems either.

As far as Ramsus is concerned though - I don't even know how you fail to understand what I'm trying to say so utterly. I don't mind criticism - I mind impatience, ignorance, mock exasperation, whining, mean-spirited jokes, and lack of faith in me to be able to work things out with you guys in a rational way. It never occurred to you that instead of whining about how unfair I'm being, you could just ask if I could work with you *nicely* instead? You were complaining about how you couldn't use your allies effectively for instance Ramsus. Why was your first reaction to bitch instead of simply asking if I could alter the rules a bit? I wouldn't have had any problem with allowing Rock to be able to heal Whisper on her turn for instance - and that's something I'd originally imagined he'd be able to do anyway.

That typed, I'm tired of having some of you panic and complain every time you see some self-perceived slight in my GMing. I mentioned when I started this campaign that I was a relatively new GM, and I still consider myself a novice. I never said I was perfect. Actually, I said the exact opposite in my Skype post (though Ramsus seems to have failed to read it carefully enough to notice). Therefore I'll say it again:

I AM NOT PERFECT - and I make mistakes. Why can't you guys realize that and cut me some slack? Instead of whining all the time or acting like you're short with me all the time, why don't you just wait and talk to me about your problems in a respectable way?

I'm not trying to say that my time is more valuable than anyone else either. It isn't. I was trying to say though that I do have other things on my mind, and that's one reason I make some of my mistakes.

Well whatever the case, I'm glad that you apologized Xel - but Ramsus, I don't know how intelligent you really are, but at times, you are most definitely one of the stupidest people I've ever met. You lack social skills and empathy, and that's why you can never see yourself doing anything wrong. If you can't give me an honest apology - one that actually means something - then I don't see how we can go on here.

Er... Posted. Drawing Fire, someone help Whisper.

Great, now we don't get to use one of the calls this round because Rock was the only one Whisper could actually use.

Subjectz, would it be possible to change your turn to use one of the other call allies?

I suppose if Josh is refusing to GM right now he can't really object to any take backs on the latest post.

Oh, sure. Is there an objection to healing whisper?

That would also be using Rock. Which is the only one Whisper can use. Also, I was going to have Whisper heal herself (either with Rock if Josh allowed it or with her own stuff) so you guys don't need to worry about that right now.

I... hmm... Who do I call in? Ah screw it, I'll save allies for later.

No, you should certainly use one of them. There's only three of us left in this round and Cardbo and Xel didn't use any of the calls. We're just wasting them if you don't use one.

SubjectZ wrote:I... hmm... Who do I call in? Ah screw it, I'll save allies for later.

Try using Buck. Remember, you can't save allies. They regenerate round by round.

Josh, I sincerely apologize for offending you by being impatient, my ignorance, the mock exasperation, the whining, making mean-spirited jokes, having lacked of faith in you to be able to work things out with us in a rational way, perceiving sleights in your decisions as a GM, not understanding you aren't perfect, not waiting for you to tell us you were on to tell you my opinions in a respectful way, being a stupid ungrateful brat with no empathy or connection to reality, and otherwise offending you with my rude behavior.

Please tell me if there is anything else you require to be addressed before we can continue playing.


@Sub: Please use either one of Roll's or Buck's moves so we don't end up wasting those this round.

Ramsus, seeing as I’m an English professor and seeing as I also have been teaching my classes about satire recently, I can’t help but sense a great deal of irony in your tone. I don’t know how sincere you’re being here, especially since you’re even apologizing for being a stupid ungrateful brat with no empathy or connection to reality – but if you’re being sincere about that too, then apology accepted.

Honestly, all I wanted was for you to apologize for hurting my feelings and being impatient and condescending.

That typed however, I’m still not sure that you’re sincere about anything you mention here, as just the other night you were adamantly refusing to admit you’d done a single thing wrong, and were instead fully content on blaming me solely for any issues I found in you. I have a strong suspicion that you’re saying you’re sorry now without any meaning behind it, just to get me to continue the campaign.

If this is not the case, then I apologize in advance – though I feel that this is, indeed, the case, and I have no idea how I’d get you to prove otherwise.

Also, for the record everyone, after skype-chatting with Ramsus the other night, it occurred to me that while I’ve been focusing on his sighing and condescension in this one particular instance, that’s not the only reason I blew up on him as well as Xel last week. Both Ramsus and I have also been playing in DB’s pbp campaign, The Rise of the Windigo King, and for a while, I had been constantly annoyed by how Ramsus took issue with the way I played my character. I’d also been annoyed by the fact that he constantly blamed our past history for coloring my actions every time he disagreed with what I had my character do in relation to his. Though I did understand Ramsus’ concerns, they were unfounded. I was trying to not let our past encounters affect the way I played, and it only made it more annoying when he brought up these perceived slights again and again (in the P-Files as well as the RotWK I believe). That had worn on my patience. Also, last Wednesday after Ramsus and Xel had their say in relation to me, they went on chatting about the current combat like nothing had happened. I interpreted that as their feeling that nothing was wrong with what they’d said and done. Thus I felt more like they didn’t care about my feelings and that further angered me.

With all that typed, I was intentionally hurtful when I responded in the skype-chat, but I can’t honestly say that I’m sorry about that right now. I’d have to know Ramsus’ full intentions before I could be truly sorry for hurting his feelings. I am sorry I lost my temper with you though Xel. DB, Cardbo, and Subz, I’m also sorry for pulling you into this as well. I know that it’s not fair how I’ve been punishing you unintentionally for issues I had with Ramsus and Xel – but I didn’t know what else to do.

I’m currently still uncertain whether I want to continue the P-Files or not.

I'm not sure how it's possible you're unclear of what my intentions were or are since I've explained myself repeatedly to you in excruciating detail but, perhaps this is because I'm an ignorant person with no empathy and just too stupid to understand how to convey information to you and I ask your forgiveness if things seem sarcastic to you because of this, please know that I said it with the utmost of sincerity. I do however recall DB specifically asking you to drop stuff relating to Windigo since as far as everyone else could understand we had managed to resolve things there and bringing it up again as a reason for your current actions seems as if you perhaps had the option of explaining prior to just now that those issues were still a problem for you.

It seems rather unfair and untruthful of you to have made the demand that I apologize as a condition for the game to continue only to then respond to my apology with the statement that you may choose to not continue anyway. But perhaps this is just my natural tendency to whine and complain and being disrespectful flaring up. If so, I humbly apologize for failing to understand the intentions and implications of that with which you spoke prior.

Ramsus wrote:I'm not sure how it's possible you're unclear of what my intentions were or are since I've explained myself repeatedly to you in excruciating detail but, perhaps this is because I'm an ignorant person with no empathy and just too stupid to understand how to convey information to you and I ask your forgiveness if things seem sarcastic to you because of this, please know that I said it with the utmost of sincerity. I do however recall DB specifically asking you to drop stuff relating to Windigo since as far as everyone else could understand we had managed to resolve things there and bringing it up again as a reason for your current actions seems as if you perhaps had the option of explaining prior to just now that those issues were still a problem for you.

It seems rather unfair and untruthful of you to have made the demand that I apologize as a condition for the game to continue only to then respond to my apology with the statement that you may choose to not continue anyway. But perhaps this is just my natural tendency to whine and complain and being disrespectful flaring up. If so, I humbly apologize for failing to understand the intentions and implications of that with which you spoke prior.

Ramsus, if you’re really sorry and not being ironic, then why do you need to say things like the lines I emphasized above?  They seem completely unnecessary, and you’d come across as a lot more sincere without them. Instead of sounding sincere though, you choose to intentionally degrade yourself in a way that most normal human beings would not. That’s why I sense irony in your tone – because I doubt you really believe you might be too ignorant or stupid to convey information, or that you really think your natural tendency is to whine, complain, and be disrespectful.

I brought up DB’s campaign only after the conversation you and I had over Skype on Sunday. At the time, you mentioned how you thought it weird that I’d get so worked up over one sigh. Well, that got me thinking – had I really just gotten upset with you over one sigh? The answer was no, so I wanted to note a few other things that built up to this. I didn’t mention them before because, first off, I was more focused on the sigh than anything else (oftentimes, I find myself focusing on one offense to the point I get tunnel vision); and two, I didn’t feel that I needed to drudge up the past until I found it necessary to defend my actions here and now.

It is also not unfair nor untruthful of me to have made a demand that you apologize, and when you actually do apologize, to still not be certain if I should continue the campaign.

This is because, originally, I asked that you give me an honest apology, but I’ve been questioning the honesty of your apology ever since you made it. With what was said on Sunday – where you adamantly expressed your feelings that you’d done nothing wrong – your sudden change to this apparently self-effacing attitude strikes me as very insincere. I feel that you may very well be trying to mock me, and I don't appreciate that. If you're truly sincere in your apology, then tell me so without being self-effacing and ironic. I think you can do that much.

You're making this rather difficult and I'm not sure how you want this phrased. If you thought it was acceptable and accurate to call me those things and that there is no apology necessary on your part because of that despite the fact that you know those are incredibly hurtful things to say far beyond any accidental insult I had done you then why when I say them is it mocking you since those are negative aspects being applied to me? Especially since it seemed to me that part of your demand of apology required me to agree with you about everything you said with absolutely no difference of opinion on my part. I did my best to meet your demand and it seems you have now changed the demand because you did not like the result you yourself asked for. This is rather confusing.

I'm also not sure how making demands and not living up to your side of things when the other party does what you asked would not be untruthful or unfair.

I will now make a second attempt at giving you the apology you wish to hear and hope I format it correctly in a way that is pleasing to you.

I'm very sorry for saying things that offended you even if it was not my intention to nor had I any understanding of how they would offend you and for not making absolutely sure you were online when I tried to express to you my concerns and for not doing so with no knowledge of your specific preferences and pet peeves that would cause you to feel insulted and for not having faith in you to have properly balanced combat despite your relative inexperience before reaching conclusions otherwise and for failing to grasp without your explicit indication that you had many issues built up and were otherwise stressed and for having natural tendencies of speech and thought that are unappealing to you such that you cannot accept on trust that I mean you no intentional insult, though I can do little to correct that, and for misunderstanding what it was you wanted in an apology and I can only hope this one meets with your approval. If this one also is not satisfactory I hope you will take it on faith that I am trying to give you the apology you want and that that fact at least will be good enough for you to accept it and to decide if you will then be true to your word and continue the game.

Ramsus wrote:I'm very sorry for saying things that offended you even if it was not my intention to nor had I any understanding of how they would offend you...

-Stop right there. That’s more or less all I wanted from you Ramsus. I’d have preferred to know for sure that you understood why I was offended so we could avoid it happening again, but this is good enough for now. I think you are being honest here, and I do accept your apology.

Ramsus wrote:You're making this rather difficult and I'm not sure how you want this phrased. If you thought it was acceptable and accurate to call me those things and that there is no apology necessary on your part because of that despite the fact that you know those are incredibly hurtful things to say far beyond any accidental insult I had done you then why when I say them is it mocking you since those are negative aspects being applied to me? Especially since it seemed to me that part of your demand of apology required me to agree with you about everything you said with absolutely no difference of opinion on my part. I did my best to meet your demand and it seems you have now changed the demand because you did not like the result you yourself asked for. This is rather confusing.

My demand for an apology didn't ever require you to agree with me unconditionally Ramsus. I wanted an honest apology, and we both know there’s no way you could honestly agree with me so completely about my worst possible impressions of you. That’s not what I was looking for at all, as it would’ve lacked sincerity.

I also understood that an apology might be necessary for all that I said, but until now, I didn’t feel sorry at all for any of what I’d done. Would you have preferred that I give you an insincere apology that was hollow and meaningless? Or would you rather I waited until I actually felt some true sense of regret?

Ramsus wrote:I'm also not sure how making demands and not living up to your side of things when the other party does what you asked would not be untruthful or unfair.

If you had done what I’d asked, you would have a point. I hadn’t felt like you had done as I asked though, as again, you weren’t being honest, but insincere – at least on some level. This in turn caused me confusion. I couldn’t tell how sincere you were being overall.

That typed though, I feel you are being more sincere this time around, and because of that, I am sorry for blowing up on you quite so severely last week. I said some very hurtful things to both you and Xel, and it was more than what was called for at the time.  I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately and your comments – which I interpreted in a very negative way – pushed my temper over the edge. I realize that’s not enough to justify what I said to you, but I am sorry. DB, Cardbo, and Subz, I’m also sorry to all of you for holding up the game and punishing you when you really did nothing wrong.

I am prepared to continue the campaign if you all wish to continue too.

If we do continue though, from now on I think it would be best to change a few things:

No one should ever post complaints or criticism in the campaign skype chat. When you do this, it can rile up the rest of the party and make me feel like I’m getting ganged up on by multiple players at once. I’d like to have a chance to respond to anyone’s concerns before you share them with everyone else. Keep in mind, I do make mistakes, but I’m not against working with you guys to fix things. If I’m not online when you have your issue, shoot me a PM. After directing your problems to me though, if the issue isn’t yet resolved, we can then move the discussion to the OOC chat (not the skype-chat, not unless I give the okay first please). I feel like discussing an issue on skype is just asking for miscommunication and even more trouble.

No one, at any time, should ever sigh over the internet (especially at me, because it is a pet peeve of mine) – at least, you shouldn’t ever sigh over the internet without clarifying your intentions as being something outside of exasperation or condescension.

Also, please always give the benefit of the doubt before taking issue with me.  I, like you, have my own worries and problems – and we all use this game as a way to escape our worries and problems for a time and just relax. I’d prefer we kept things relaxed.

Again everyone, I'm sorry for all this. If possible, can I get a headcount? Is everyone still up for playing? Do you guys feel I’ve properly apologized to you? Is there anything else that you feel needs to be said?

If everyone’s still here and everything’s relatively okay, we’ll move on as soon as I can make another post. I do have papers to grade right now though, so it might take some time to get something out.

*sigh* You really just said nobody should do that on the interwebz? Bitch please... Just think about that little inane comment for a bit. And I was the guy trying my best to stay on your side thoughout this whole ordeal.


Also I suggest we just GIVE UP on the skype chatrooms at this point if we're really going to keep on this game, it's only helping spark drama.

While I think the sighing thing is weird too, I'll try and recall that it upsets you. I can't promise not to sigh at other people though. It's just a normal part of expressing yourself. I accept your apology, though it would have meant a bit more to me if you had given it sooner (because you wanted to) or just had refrained from saying hurtful things in the first place. I'm happy to be able to play again though. I think going back to using the skype chat as just a post check is fine.

...

I forget the initiative order at this point. I know Sub just had his turn and I'm sometime after that but, I can't recall if there is monster turns before mine or not now.

I'm cool with continuing, I guess. The sighing thing is a bit ridiculous, but I'd like to move on.